HAVING HAPPILY printed info about the lastest PG twaddle on any old paper for years, "Crass Country" magazine have proudly changed to 100% recycled paper and are printing their latest glowing words of wisdom using meat-free, steroid-safe, organic tofu instead of the traditional inks.
We have it on good authority that although it now smells different, it can still be read in the traditional manor. On the toilet.
Keen to dispel early rumours "Grass County" chief bloke and all rounder, Bob "Anything But" Dreary told us, "Well, it wasn't just to keep the hippies happy you know. That's not our style, never has been. Oh no. At least not since the Winchester and Newbury launch-clearing fiascos of '96 & '98."
He went on "The planet is our responsibility, it's our inheritance to our children and we all have a part to play in ensuring the planet returns to a self contained unit with a sustainable future. What? Oh, that's me". Then he stopped.
Unfortunately, our interview was cut short as the check-in queue started moving forward for his long-haul 747-400 flight to Manilla where he was due to report on the latest developments in rip-stop nylon wing fabrics and the new tetra-poly-propyl-hydra-penta-carbon-5 Dyneema replacement racing lines.
Insiders at "Crass Cuntry" (ouch!) have told us that early prototypes included printing with Ketchup and Bulls Blood, but both test runs ended in disaster involving various household pets, several family members and at least one stomach pumping at the local A&E.
Added advantages of the new tofu based printing have also been reported, claiming that it can be boiled down with sweet'n'sour sauce (10 pages per teaspoonful) to provide a lovely side dish for most chinese cuisine. Latest reports, however, do suggest it does make you fart. You have been warned.
We have it on good authority that although it now smells different, it can still be read in the traditional manor. On the toilet.
Keen to dispel early rumours "Grass County" chief bloke and all rounder, Bob "Anything But" Dreary told us, "Well, it wasn't just to keep the hippies happy you know. That's not our style, never has been. Oh no. At least not since the Winchester and Newbury launch-clearing fiascos of '96 & '98."
He went on "The planet is our responsibility, it's our inheritance to our children and we all have a part to play in ensuring the planet returns to a self contained unit with a sustainable future. What? Oh, that's me". Then he stopped.
Unfortunately, our interview was cut short as the check-in queue started moving forward for his long-haul 747-400 flight to Manilla where he was due to report on the latest developments in rip-stop nylon wing fabrics and the new tetra-poly-propyl-hydra-penta-carbon-5 Dyneema replacement racing lines.
Insiders at "Crass Cuntry" (ouch!) have told us that early prototypes included printing with Ketchup and Bulls Blood, but both test runs ended in disaster involving various household pets, several family members and at least one stomach pumping at the local A&E.
Added advantages of the new tofu based printing have also been reported, claiming that it can be boiled down with sweet'n'sour sauce (10 pages per teaspoonful) to provide a lovely side dish for most chinese cuisine. Latest reports, however, do suggest it does make you fart. You have been warned.
Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 2003 "George Bush Carrier Landing" script
Funnier than the 2003 "George Bush Carrier Landing" script