THE NEW DodgiFly vario is now shipping. That's right, at last, it's shipping. The "Perfectino" went on sale this month after significant production delays and much discuzzioni about chip supply.
"It's been a long time coming, but thank god we finally found the problems and fixed them", said Leonardo Armani, another sales and marketing twat stating the obvious. "But enough of that rubbish", he continued, "I'd like to focus attenzzioni on some of the outstanding, ground breaking features of our new model, the Perfectino". So we did.
It's available in red, blue, green and that off-white colour similar to the one your wife chose for the bathroom. Quite frankly, the uber-tecno-geeks from Pie-Labs© were pretty damn impressed by the application of technology. Apparently the new device can locate thermals, track them, list them and sort them by size, location, colour and flavour, but most interestingly, it can do all this from over 10km away.
The new TwatPilot© feature adds the functionality to even tell you when to leave a thermal and go on-glide, with the simple audible warning "You are entering cloud, turn left now".
If you put it in "AbsolutelyUselessWanker" mode before takeoff, it will automatically download the GoogleEarth Maps, 3D Topographic overlays and the location of all known coffee shops in your local area and proceed to pre-process the data as you clip in. It will then detect when you grasp the risers, and issue various pieces of advice, such as "You may enjoy your flight more if you head west", or "Launch now, it doesn't get any better than this" and even "Remember to enjoy yourself. Don't listen to me all the time, dickhead".
Once in the air the device has a few more surprises up its sleeve. A perfect example of which is the replacement of that annoying "beep-beep-beep" when you're in lift. This great little gadget gives out advice and tips such as, "Don't lose it", or "No, the other left" or "You'll blow it in a minute, I know you will" and the soon to be classic "Ok, lets move down the valley and try to find a really fat core shall we".
Here at Pie we were really pleased to discover that the annoying "brrrrr" drone, when sinking, is replaced by the motivational "What the fuck are you doing? You'll have us on the ground in 5 minutes if you keep this up".
But that's not all folks, Leonardo from DF was keen to let us know they were working on next years models already. Apparently the new model, codename "Carpetino", will be a hot one and he let slip the fact that it could also replace existing PG hardware, including the actual wing. He was bold enough to tell us that they have already improved the power-on systems with the introduction of their new patented "3-rubs" technology.
We'll just have to wait and see.
Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 2003 "George Bush Carrier Landing" script
Funnier than the 2003 "George Bush Carrier Landing" script