AN ATTEMPT to infinity tumble a tandem paraglider took place over the past few days and we were well chuffed to be invited to witness this special moment. The worlds press were invited to witness it over Lake Waitnsee in the land of milk chocolate, rubbery cheese and small red pocket knives. For those not in the know, an "infinity tumble" is what is known in other forms of aviation as a "loop". As paraglider pilots are kool, rad, free-flyin' muthas we've tended to rename shit to make it sell well. Not surprising given that 99% of the worlds media thinks we're towed up behind speedboats. Of course, based on recent reporting it seems we still have some work to do. Consequently, here at Pie, we wandered along to do our bit and see if we couldn't even get an exclusive interview with the loons involved. After all, no-one had ever done one of these with a tandem glider before.
The pair are using the latest in tandem technology, an XXL U-Burn Driller ACRO wing from the German geniuses down in the Black Forest. Although we couldn't secure an interview with Tom Tosseler, the Chief-head of U-Tern wings, we have it on good authority he said, “It’s going to be thrilling!" Right then. Thrilling.
The pair are using the latest in tandem technology, an XXL U-Burn Driller ACRO wing from the German geniuses down in the Black Forest. Although we couldn't secure an interview with Tom Tosseler, the Chief-head of U-Tern wings, we have it on good authority he said, “It’s going to be thrilling!" Right then. Thrilling.
Arriving at the make-shift press heliport, we joined the queue of fellow media professionals waiting to interview the stars of the day. When we reached the front of the queue Pax Taxit, senior accountant and part-time ACRO pilot, and Gator Karzi, tandem passenger and part-time Mark Wahlberg lookalike, were looking like fully fledged Hollywood stars doing the biz. After a surprisingly short wait, we found ourselves sitting opposite the guys where we got to ask them our four searching questions.
"Hi Pax! Are you looking forward to this?", we asked.
"Oh yes. Very much so.", he replied with a friendly smile spreading across his face and an even broader hairstyle spreading across his head.
"And howde Gator! How do you feel about all this, is this your first taster flight then?", we asked.
"I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm quite confident I won't be sick.", said Gator, looking ever so slightly nervous.
"Pax, we're told tandem tumbling's never been done before. Are you looking forward to getting into the record books today?", we asked, deciding that a little bit of flattery goes a long way.
"Well, there are no records for this sort of thing. The guys down at Guinness Records don't seem to take us quite so seriously as those trans-atlantic, global ballooning billionaires you know.", he replied, visibly losing some of his initial cheerfulness.
"So why are you doing this? Why?", we asked, getting down to the nitty-gritty.
"Why? Hmmfff...", were the only sounds picked up by our handheld mike. He then proceeded to stare at us for several moments with a puzzled look on his face after which he stood up slowly and wandered off back to the organisers tent making more than one questioning look over his shoulder and shaking his head.
Slightly confused at the rapid end to our interview we made our way to the press tent where they were handing out free energy drinks with straws that had little red and blue paragliders and a mad cow, or something, printed on them. How cute, we thought. We started asking around about the upcoming stunt and it turns out it takes quite a lot of strength to do a loop [Infinity Tumble - Ed] with a PG and it's expected to take much more for a tandem. In fact, it seems the passenger may have to assist otherwise it could all wind up with a giftwrapping from hell and a rather watery end.
Some journo's were saying the pilots will undergo similar levels of "G" as those experienced by fighter pilots and others were even suggesting it was unfair on these PG pilots because your average fighter pilot has a pressure suit to keep from blacking out. We thought this was a little absurd though. Let's face it, those fighter jocks have to keep their eyes on an artificial horizon, an incoming enemy, the SAM alarms, their countermeasures and the readiness of their AIM missiles. Hardly a fair comparison with pilots who have to check their leg straps are done up and the batteries are fully charged in their vario we thought.
Some journo's were saying the pilots will undergo similar levels of "G" as those experienced by fighter pilots and others were even suggesting it was unfair on these PG pilots because your average fighter pilot has a pressure suit to keep from blacking out. We thought this was a little absurd though. Let's face it, those fighter jocks have to keep their eyes on an artificial horizon, an incoming enemy, the SAM alarms, their countermeasures and the readiness of their AIM missiles. Hardly a fair comparison with pilots who have to check their leg straps are done up and the batteries are fully charged in their vario we thought.
Witnessing the event was a bit of a let-down, we have to say. All we could see from where we stood was a dot in the sky and even using our bird-watching binoculars, which we brought especially, we could only just about make out where the wing was. They made it though, according to the live commentary fed to us on the ground from someone in a helicopter who must have been much, much closer. It would also seem that Gater had the taster flight of the century too, even though the gossip on the street is that he chucked up just about everything he'd eaten since last Christmas.
So there you have it folks. Like most sporting events, just stay at home and watch it on TV or youToob. You'll get to see a whole lot more and, if you're lucky, the press interviews might even make it seem worthwhile.
If readers wish to write in and suggest answers to our last question we'd be most grateful, because we're at a bit of a loss. As it seems, was Pax.
Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1933 "Graf Zeppelin No Smoking Sign" thefts
Funnier than the 1933 "Graf Zeppelin No Smoking Sign" thefts