FOR YEARS now we've all been searching for the perfect food to eat while working those thermals haven't we? Not too big, not too small, sufficient slow-release energy, etc. These were some of the criteria we set for ourselves in our quest for the perfect in-flight food. That's right readers, time for some testing.
We took various freely available snack products and put them through their paces in our definitive Pie test.
First up and always a popular choice, the "KLogs Lo-Cal, Veggie-Nut, Muesli Hippy Bar" at $4 for a pack of 6. We found the energy supply somewhat lacking but were impressed with the taste, overall, however, we felt the bars failed to perform. We were particularly annoyed that after eating one or two bars we spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get nuts out from between our teeth through full-face helmets with gloves on while thermalling. Pie-rated: 3-star in-flight food.
Next up were "Opel Fruit" and "Wine Gum" chewy sweets ($5/kg) in a joint test, where we simply rewarded ourselves with a sweet after every thermal top-out (great tip, thanks AT). Both provided great energy supply and isn't that sugar hit wonderful. We found that if you eat them at regular intervals the energy supply is pretty constant throughout the afternoon, although the hardest part, we felt, was not eating them all on takeoff or during the first glide. The Opel Fruits failed to impress at the end of the day as it took 3 of us, 20 minutes in a cow field to chase the bloody wrappers around and put them back in our pockets. Wine Gums, however, were Pie-rated as 5-star in-flight food.
Next through the hoop was the "BigMan Hi-tech, Pro-Booster Vita-Carb Sports Bar" at $54 each. The budget stretched to buying 2 of these babies, and we were pretty keen to try them out I can tell you. Unfortunately, the wrappers proved so tough that both test bars were dropped accidentally from around 4000ft during the struggle to get them open. Clearly we marked this up as a failure and the bars scored zero coveted Pie-stars.
Finally, and especially for those who fly in cooler climbs, we rigged up 12-volt battery-powered toasters to our cockpits and set about testing some "Pop-Tarts". All seemed to be going great, right up until the infamous turbulant thermal event of 2:30pm, when apparently the toaster dial was accidentally moved to the dark-brown setting. Suffice to say, it is possible to cut free from a flaming wing and all praise to those boys down at Metamorphasic and their Conical reserve chutes. After all they're not actually designed to open in free-fall. "Pop-Tarts" were deemed very expensive in-flight food and are not recommended by the Pie testers or our local hospital burns unit.
So "Wine Gums", the all round 5-star in-flight food and safer option.
Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1982 "Airplane II" sliding door scene
Funnier than the 1982 "Airplane II" sliding door scene