EVER WONDERED what it's like to actually screw it up so bad you go in?
That's right, trees. Those big, green, spiky buggers that seem to surround us wherever we fly. Most of us at sometime have been close to going in, plenty of us have come away with a few branches and some of us have even bounced off 'em. Now this is a subject close to the heart of the Pie Chief Editor as only this past year he took a metre off the top of an oak tree stalling it into a postage stamp of flat ground surrounded by forest, on top of a pass, in rotor. That's right, on top of a pass in rotor, and yes, that does take some sensationally fucked up planning.
But what about those that actually go in, those that don't get so lucky?
"Well, you're gonna lose a nut at best", said Lefty McSwagger, the famous outback settler and Canadian XC pilot. "We all think we can get away with it, and so often we do, but it's just a matter of time you know", he continued in his whiskery way, "You can fly the logging country for 10 years and think you're untouchable and then one day you come back and you're not quite the man you were".
"Once you know you're going in", he went on, "Best thing to do is just get into the arms-open, bear hug position, keep the speed up, close your eyes and kiss your left nut goodbye. I did, and look at me".
Seeking an alternative viewpoint we spoke to West Canada Wilderness Commision spokesman, James "Howlin Wolf" Algonkian. "Well, from the trees perspective it's a real bummer, man", he said "we don't think they like it at all".
Realising our mistake, we got back on message and caught up with world famous stuntman, Joey "Ice Man" Pfarr for some further, more appropriate comment. "Ever since my stunt in Valle de Bravo, people just come up to me on the hill and ask for my advice", he said.
"People seem particularly interested to understand the technique I used to get that 10cm twig from my lines", he continued, "although I do get the feeling they just don't understand how dangerous it was. I mean, I was dangling in a life threatening position 50m up a wobbly spruce tree. To remove a 10cm twig in those circumstances takes self control and persistance you know, and all this was preceded by a 500m reserve ride remember. No-one seems to remember how in-control I was under that reserve and the succent and precise radio transmissions I was making. I was there man, they were just watching on youTube for christ sakes. Why can't the bastards just leave it, it's been over a year and a half now."
It's all right Joe, we understand. We've been confused in this sport ourselves, you're among friends here.
"Mind you", he added, "it's lucky I didn't lose a nut".
But what about those that actually go in, those that don't get so lucky?
"Well, you're gonna lose a nut at best", said Lefty McSwagger, the famous outback settler and Canadian XC pilot. "We all think we can get away with it, and so often we do, but it's just a matter of time you know", he continued in his whiskery way, "You can fly the logging country for 10 years and think you're untouchable and then one day you come back and you're not quite the man you were".
"Once you know you're going in", he went on, "Best thing to do is just get into the arms-open, bear hug position, keep the speed up, close your eyes and kiss your left nut goodbye. I did, and look at me".
Seeking an alternative viewpoint we spoke to West Canada Wilderness Commision spokesman, James "Howlin Wolf" Algonkian. "Well, from the trees perspective it's a real bummer, man", he said "we don't think they like it at all".
Realising our mistake, we got back on message and caught up with world famous stuntman, Joey "Ice Man" Pfarr for some further, more appropriate comment. "Ever since my stunt in Valle de Bravo, people just come up to me on the hill and ask for my advice", he said.
"People seem particularly interested to understand the technique I used to get that 10cm twig from my lines", he continued, "although I do get the feeling they just don't understand how dangerous it was. I mean, I was dangling in a life threatening position 50m up a wobbly spruce tree. To remove a 10cm twig in those circumstances takes self control and persistance you know, and all this was preceded by a 500m reserve ride remember. No-one seems to remember how in-control I was under that reserve and the succent and precise radio transmissions I was making. I was there man, they were just watching on youTube for christ sakes. Why can't the bastards just leave it, it's been over a year and a half now."
It's all right Joe, we understand. We've been confused in this sport ourselves, you're among friends here.
"Mind you", he added, "it's lucky I didn't lose a nut".
Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1977 "Airport '77" underwater scenes
Funnier than the 1977 "Airport '77" underwater scenes