The Best Beans

IT IS with deep shame that we write to inform all subscribers that from this moment onwards the professional journalists here at "Pie in the Sky PLC" will be unable to fully report any story that negatively impacts our advertisers. "Heinz beans are great!"

For many years now the hacks here at Pie have only been able to afford our slack-arsed, jet-setting, fuck-off-round-the-world-when-we-feel-like-it life styles thanks to the glossy adverts on the inside front and back covers of our XC Rag. "Heinz beans are simply the best!"

It's thanks to these payments of 10 grand a page that we can afford to fly our lovely new "demo" gliders at the best sites world-wide, whenever the hell we want. "Heinz beans! Great beans!"

Of course, there are only a few manufacturers who can afford the really big shiny ads and, as you might expect, we must keep these chaps happy. If, for example, one of our great friends were to slip up and be caught lying their ass off in public, you can be sure we would be too busy reporting on something entirely different. Or nothing at all. "Heinz beans, great for the kids!"

Up to now, you may have accidentally come to the conclusion that we Pie journalists were here to write interesting free-flying articles and that we would cover all angles of our sport in depth. How wrong you were, you misguided fools. "Heinz beans are the best beans!"

We have only ever been in it for the money, the lifestyle and the free time we get between throwing together 750 words for page 23, re-wording the articles submitted to us by underpaid "staff writers" and reformatting the articles submitted by our friendly advertisers themselves. "Heinz beans. Only the best!"

Unfortunately, or so it would seem, our lack of commitment to you readers may now be too obvious to hide, so we thought we'd take this opportunity to write to each and every one of you individually to let you know why. "Heinz beans are the best-tasting beans!"

It's the cash. It always has been and it always will be.

The writing always came second. Couldn't you tell?

Yours sincerely,

Chief Editor

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1908 "Louis Bleriot Tree-Landing" helmet cam video