TIME WAITS for no man says the famous proverb, and just to prove it Christmas is almost upon us once again. Can you believe it?
No matter whether you love it or hate it, you will most likely find yourself at a christmas party, so here at Pie we would like to do our duty and remind all pilots that drinking and flying just don't mix. Rumour has it, that a small continental beer or two might be acceptable at take off and that it might even improve the enjoyment of a summertime afternoon flight in the Alps, but just remember everyone, play it safe over Christmas.
Don't misunderstand us here, Team Pie are the first to stand in line for fun and merriment, the main reason you probably haven't heard about last years Pie Xmas Party is that that no-one can remember enough to relate the story. All we know for sure is that the company credit card was charged for a private helicopter charter and the purchase of 6 camels. We have since found several Turkish Massage tickets and 3 parachute bridles labelled Achmed's "Reach for the Sand" BASE Jumping School, definite signs that fun was had, although maybe less so for the camels.
On a more serious note, our advice over the holiday period is to try to plan ahead where possible. If you find yourself with a group of fliers and you're off out on a bender, allocate a designated pilot at the start of the evening to make sure he'll get you all home safely. If no-one wants to be Sober Simon, you can always book tandem flights in advance, especially when you know everyone is likely to be drinking to excess. Don't wander out into the streets at 3am hoping to flag down a tandem on spec, have it pre-booked. Don't leave it to chance.
Please, if you do find yourself at a party with a few drinks down and thinking, "I've only had a couple, I'll fly home, no problem", just try and resist it. It really is asking for trouble. Most, if not all, 2am paragliding disasters start with "I'll be OK, I feel fine", and end with the loss of an IPPI licence, a night in the police cells and a tree-landing video on youTube.
If you think the evening could become epic and maybe turn into an "all-nighter" or even a "weekend event", then it can often be useful to have a list of local guides on hand. They are always happy to be contacted day or night and will usually come out at short notice to act as paid XC-guides. They can be expected to call on many years of experience with the local conditions and will both guarantee a good night out and a safe final glide to bed. The younger fly-guides, usually from the mediteranean countries, can also assist in finding a final-glide partner allowing a little late night horizontal ACRO.
If things don't work out as planned and you do find yourself out there wandering the hills in your underpants at 4am with a PG rucksack on your back, a sprained ankle, a camel in tow and no recollection of how you got there, then try to remember the three-in-one Pie-approved Alpine Survival Technique; "lie down and wrap yourself in your wing", "get a few hours sleep" and then "get to the nearest bar and have a large whisky". Works every time.
Don't be a statistic this year. No soaring while smashed.
Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1977 "Airport '77" underwater scenes
Funnier than the 1977 "Airport '77" underwater scenes