Getting Caught

HAVE YOU ever wondered what it looks like when cheating mother fuckers get caught cheating like mother fuckers?

No?

Ok then...

"PWC Blozone Gonzo 2M" versus "Air Turkey Blozone Gonzo 2M"

Attachment points

El nombre del piloto se ha retenido. [Because it's not his fault - Ed]

Pie in the Sky. Telling it like it is... because no-one else will. 

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1908 "Louis Bleriot Tree-Landing" helmet cam video

Beans Are Beans

WE WOULD like to print a retraction and would like to apologise unreservedly to the hard-working, moral, diligent, trustworthy, incorruptible journalists at "Pie in the Sky PLC".

And one day we might.

It would seem those hard-working, moral, diligent, trustworthy, incorruptible hacks over at the Pie offices don't give a flying fuck about beans after all. Well played!


If we had a back page, this article would be on it.
It would be down near the bottom.
And it would be in really small print.
Just below an apology to Elton John.
And just above the news of our impending donation of 50K to a charity of Elton's choice.
It would be just to the left of an advert for a "barely used" Blozone Gonzo 2M.
But above a really glossy advert for the impending release of the new Gonzo 3.0.

Our front page, on the other hand, would have a huge banner headline saying "Handz off our vings, Fritz" with some photos of semi-naked women. That were semi-naked.


Good call !  [ although we'll believe it when we see it - Ed ]

Yours sincerely,
Chief Editor
[ We reserve the right to retract any retraction that may need retracting at any time and without prior notice - Ed ]

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1908 "Louis Bleriot Tree-Landing" helmet cam video

The Best Beans

IT IS with deep shame that we write to inform all subscribers that from this moment onwards the professional journalists here at "Pie in the Sky PLC" will be unable to fully report any story that negatively impacts our advertisers. "Heinz beans are great!"

For many years now the hacks here at Pie have only been able to afford our slack-arsed, jet-setting, fuck-off-round-the-world-when-we-feel-like-it life styles thanks to the glossy adverts on the inside front and back covers of our XC Rag. "Heinz beans are simply the best!"

It's thanks to these payments of 10 grand a page that we can afford to fly our lovely new "demo" gliders at the best sites world-wide, whenever the hell we want. "Heinz beans! Great beans!"

Of course, there are only a few manufacturers who can afford the really big shiny ads and, as you might expect, we must keep these chaps happy. If, for example, one of our great friends were to slip up and be caught lying their ass off in public, you can be sure we would be too busy reporting on something entirely different. Or nothing at all. "Heinz beans, great for the kids!"

Up to now, you may have accidentally come to the conclusion that we Pie journalists were here to write interesting free-flying articles and that we would cover all angles of our sport in depth. How wrong you were, you misguided fools. "Heinz beans are the best beans!"

We have only ever been in it for the money, the lifestyle and the free time we get between throwing together 750 words for page 23, re-wording the articles submitted to us by underpaid "staff writers" and reformatting the articles submitted by our friendly advertisers themselves. "Heinz beans. Only the best!"

Unfortunately, or so it would seem, our lack of commitment to you readers may now be too obvious to hide, so we thought we'd take this opportunity to write to each and every one of you individually to let you know why. "Heinz beans are the best-tasting beans!"

It's the cash. It always has been and it always will be.

The writing always came second. Couldn't you tell?

Yours sincerely,

Chief Editor

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1908 "Louis Bleriot Tree-Landing" helmet cam video

Tolerance

LANGUAGES ARE living beings. It seems they rarely sit still long enough to be caught and killed. They're always on the move, and as we pass through this life we can witness their change. Sometimes daily.

Occasionally a word, that for many years you'd only heard now and again, pops into daily use for no apparent reason. Sometimes it's being used differently than how it was before, like.

There are many examples to choose from, especially in this modern, wired, mobile, tweet-a-face-friend world were hooked into; "hoody", "bling", "hater", "unfriend", "tolerance",  "tweet"...

Hang on... rewind... tolerance?

Ah, yes... "Tolerance"....


tol·er·ance  [tol-er-uh ns]
noun

1. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.
2. concern for ideas, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.
3. the act or capacity of enduring; endurance.
4. a permitted variation of a specified quantity, especially in the dimensions of a machine or part.
5. the power of enduring or resisting the action of a poison, drug, etc.

It struck this editor recently [as many things do - Ed] that many in the PG world might wish to peruse the various definitions of this word.

 - perhaps the wing manufacturers might wish to take note of 5).
 - it might be a good idea for pilots worldwide to take 1) & 2) on board.
 - maybe Air Turkey could revisit 4).
 - we're guessing that Blozone may wish to read 1), 2), 3), 4) & 5). (especially 3)

We very much wanted to add SIVL to the list but, although we're pretty confident they can write well, we're not sure they actually bother to read much. We also wanted to add a 6), but we bottled it at the last minute. It was something to do with half a metre. [or something like that - Ed]

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1972 "Robert Livingston Seagull patio door" accident

Blozone Warrants...

AN ANONYMOUS mail through the letterbox appears to have woken the editor...

Upon further investigation, it seems to be a Blozone Gonzo 2M EN certificate.
Make of it what you will...

(click to enlarge)

[Non-native English speakers should take note of the various ways "warrant" may be used - Ed]

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1972 "Robert Livingston Seagull patio door" accident

Mad fucker takes on comp scene

A MAD fucker is taking on the comp scene!

It would seem this is being done primarily because the fuckwits who organise the top level of this sport prefer golf and have been alone in dark rooms for way too long.

Common sense was last seen heading for the hills in 2009, clearly caught a monster thermal and hasn't been seen since.

Good luck Mad(s), et al !

[Err... that's it - Ed]

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1972 "Robert Livingston Seagull patio door" accident

It is with great sadness...

IT IS with great sadness and deep regret that we must report the death of competition paragliding.

Cat-1, as we all knew him, died of asphyxiation during the 2011/2012 season. After a long and troubling illness, he finally passed over on Saturday when finally succumbing to Dual Reservitis.

After years as a victim of various illnesses it is, to some extent, a relief that he will suffer no more.

Since 2010 he had suffered consistent bouts of "Manufacturer Over Enthusiasm", including "Chronic Carbonitis", as we all know, a crippling disease if not diagnosed during the early stages.

Following these "technological advances", during the summer of 2011, he went down with a near-terminal case of "Pilot-Over-Confidence" with devastating consequences. Ever since, he's suffered varying forms of chronic "Over-Regulation", a sad sight for sure. From these early signs I think many of us knew it was just a matter of time, and we made our peace.

Many of the nails in his coffin have been thanks to the slow and painful onslaught of further equipment demands as he was transformed into a twisted shadow of his former self. Bent double under the weight of the "new requirements" it has, as you well know, been painful to watch. This was not the man we knew and loved. This was not the free spirit that we remember reaching for the skies, with the wind in his hair, his fingers caressing the b-lines and leaning well back on full bar at 50m to snatch that €54.99 trophy.

The coroner is expected to investigate, but we all know what the predictable conclusions will be. It is, without doubt, a sad case of regulators failing to regulate with a "soft touch" and pilots failing to understand that they could have helped.

If only either group could have been sufficiently arsed to talk to each other more we might not be getting our black suits dry-cleaned and booking a half-day off work next Wednesday.

CAT, we will remember you for what you gave us. We will never forget. [well actually we will - Ed]

By request of the family, no flowers please.
Donations are kindly welcomed for the "Blozone Fucked It, You Bought It, The Bureaucrats Reacted, And Now You Pay The Price Research Foundation". [Easy tiger - Ed]

Pie in the Sky
Funnier than the 1972 "Robert Livingston Seagull patio door" accident